As time goes on, it gets harder and hard to write about the experience I’m having out here.
This week has been really interesting in that regard, actually. I feel like I’ve been doing a LOT, accomplishing a LOT, yet I also feel curbed.
Curbed? No. To put it plainly, I’ve been feeling really shitty.
The Whites are HARD, man. I’m having a hard time. Sometimes.
AH, see? Hard to explain.
Moosilauke was Dope.
I climbed up that mountain like it was my JOB (well, technically I guess it is…) and it felt good. I got to the top with a group of people and we spent time together up there. We also only hiked 10 miles that day, which felt great.
Chill day, tough climb, even tougher climb down.
But we nailed it. Together.
Then I move on to the Kinsmans.
And my world came crashing down. Yesterday was insanely hard for me to finish. Don’t get me wrong, the rock climbing part was fun. But being alone? In the rain? Slipping and sliding?
I mean, shit, it wasn’t even raining all day. It was mostly humid.
But I was so alone in the middle of the woods. And I pulled so many muscles trying to stay afloat and upright.
So at 7:45 pm I have the genius idea to go hike 6 more miles.
Smooth thinking, Wayne. Real good idea. High on caffeine and ready to feel something other than my own internal pain, I said goodbye to the group of girl campers I just met and set out into the wilderness.
It was a pretty dumb idea.
Even if it’s only dusk, the forest gets DARK real QUICK. Super dark.
Was this a way for me to ignore my inner turmoil by putting myself in a scary situation? Maybe.
Did I end up safe? Of course! I didn’t actually get to hike 6 miles. I showed up at the Lonesome Pond Hut around 8:30pm and the lady working there said “oh my goodness please sleep on our floor it’s fine you shouldn’t be hiking this late!”
Amazing first Hut experience.
The hut’s in the Whites sound very confusing, because “normal people” but a bunk and sleep there for the night but you can do a work for stay but you have to get there early and they can’t always offer you a place to stay or food but they also have such good food. It sounds confusing and intimidating. But in reality? It’s not really. You just DO it. So last night when I showed up late, they offered me salvation.
Anyway, the point is I’ve had a really difficult past 24 hours.
And so right now?
I’m sitting on a porch listening to GQ play guitar, he’s just riffing and we’re all sitting here quietly listening as the sun sets.
This morning I felt sad enough to cry because all the people I’d been hiking with kept hiking and I felt truly alone.
But that’s not the case. It never is. Not on the Appalachian Trail. No, here there’s always a friend right around the corner, waiting for you with a smiling face, so pumped to see you again. Everything works out.
Everything always works out.